Missing Elizabeth

 

 

Today, April 26, 2008 would have been my oldest daughters 30^th birthday. I lost her on June 28, 1986 when she was in a car accident. She was only 8 years old.

 

It seems just like yesterday. She was here, then suddenly gone. I have re-lived her funeral over and over and over. The pain is still all too real. Maybe I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I miss her.

 

I have always wondered what she would be like today. Would she be married and have kids, or would she be a career woman? I do know this; she would have been successful no matter what she did.

 

Even though she was only 8, I was so proud of her. She had blond hair and blue eyes and when she smiled, her eyes almost closed. I know every parent says this about their children, but she was a beautiful little girl. I know she would be a beautiful woman.

 

The years have come and gone so fast since she passed away. My youngest daughter, Tabitha was 4 years old when the accident happened and as of this writing, she is 26 years old.

 

She is married and is a mother of a beautiful little girl. My granddaughter, Madison has blond hair and blue eyes. I think it’s kind of ironic. My son-in-law, Gavin is a great guy and takes care of my daughter and granddaughter.

 

As I write this, I’m trying to find the words to explain how much I love and miss my Elizabeth. I CAN’T find them! Even after all these years it’s still hard to put into words how I feel. I’ve heard that “Time heals all wounds.” Well, I can honestly say that time may ease the wound, but NEVER heals it.

 

I have 3 grandchildren now and I love them all. Spending time with my kids and grandkids is a great blessing, but I still think about Elizabeth. I still can see her smile and hear her laugh.

 

I do thank God for the time that I did have her and I look forward to the day that we’ll be together again. When that time comes and all of my family is re-united, I know the hurt will be gone forever.

 

I know Elizabeth would be so proud of her little sister, Tabitha. I know I am. She has grown to be a business owner as well as a wife and mother. I had 2 daughters, but was only able to walk 1 down the aisle.

 

There are times when I get bitter and angry, wishing I could have done something to stop that accident from happening. I also have to admit that I get angry with God. I know He could have stopped it but didn’t.

 

I have to remind myself that He is bigger than I am and He knows the future better than we know the past. Sometimes it’s hard to trust that He knows what’s best for us and that He has our best interest at heart.

 

I guess that’s part of being human, having to forgive when we don’t feel like it. I have to forgive God and myself. There are no perfect parents, we all make mistakes and I have made more than my share.

 

I have learned a lot over the years and I hope I don’t make the same mistakes again with my remaining children and grandchildren. I pray for strength, wisdom and forgiveness.

 

My wife & I have started our own home business because I now have Parkinson’s disease. Here is where I would put the link to our website, but this is not the time or place for it. If you have read any of my previous blogs, you can find the links there.

 

I don’t want to ramble on, but writing this has helped with the grief I still feel. I thank you for reading this and maybe understanding how I feel. I know I’m not the only parent who ever lost a child, but I will always believe that parents are not supposed to bury their children.

 

I hope that maybe this writing has helped other parents who have lost a child. You are not alone. Remember, we will always have the good memories. Not even death can take them away.

 

I’ll see you soon Elizabeth. I Love You, Dad.